Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
