So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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