when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
