just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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