The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
