God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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