ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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