you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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