Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
