hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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