from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
