Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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