went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
