Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
