I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
