Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My balls are so social today.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
