Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
