I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
