I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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