you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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