Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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