so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
