im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
