Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
