I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
