some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
