If i come over, it means nothing
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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