cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
