just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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