I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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