I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
