Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
