I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
