I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
