Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
