dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize