The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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