she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
