then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
