wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
