i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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