you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
