I am in a vortex of obligation.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
