My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
