I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
