1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
