Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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