My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
