does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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