please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
