yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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