she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
