More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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