so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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