barbara walters just said penis...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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