i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
