Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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