you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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