U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
