puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
