Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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