I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
