just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
