True but thats because hes a fetus.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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