what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
