she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
