He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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