I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize