I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
