I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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