Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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