So drunk its hurt
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
In America we eat man semen.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
