my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
