the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
