Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
