Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
